i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
