There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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