So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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