I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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