I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
