I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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