I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
