You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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