You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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