I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
