Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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