i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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