If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
