FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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