you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
