Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
