I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
