what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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