Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
