Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
