he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
