Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
