Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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