its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So. Much. Porn.
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