I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
