so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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