I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
