turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
