I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
