what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
