i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
