4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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