need another drink. this is the easiest way
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize