one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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