This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
