Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
