Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Damn victory sex feels great
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
