So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
