The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
