Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize