Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
