My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
