I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
