I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
