I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
