I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize