i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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