Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
