Your tits are I can't wait for
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
