So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you have to choose: penises or morals?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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