you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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