Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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