i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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