Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
