At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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