I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
