i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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