Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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