If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
