you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
