So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
