Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
