They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
