They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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