So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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