I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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