New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
