Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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