she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize