Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
