I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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