I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
