I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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