none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
