I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
