She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
