After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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