I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
