i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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