Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
