Only a mothe r could love this liver
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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