I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
