I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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