I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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