After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
