Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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