I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
